Novice Hedonist

I feel that I've been rather faithful to the doctrine of hedonism in the past couple of weeks.

I was never a diligent student, but I had felt that learning and therefore improving myself was the ultimate objective of life. The purpose or meaning of life didn't and doesn't concern me. I don't like the idea that I must serve a higher purpose than my own. Mr. Durden argues that self-improvement is masturbation -- if so then so be it.
I got anxious whenever I felt there was no progress in my life. If I wasn't learning something new every day I was gripped by fear that I would be forced to sustain this form of boring life forever.
Things have changed. Ever so slightly. If the objective of life is to gratify oneself than I've succeeded.

I make enough money to enjoy myself. Everyone could use more money, yes, but I have no complaints.

I love my work. It is challenging, boring, and not very imaginative, but it gives me the minimum amount of intellectual stimulation I require. I'm not smothered by a never-ending avalanche of work. When I don't have work, I'm free to blog (like now), play flash games, check my facebook, etc. I can listen to music whenever I want.

My co-workers are awesome. We treat each other with mutual respect. We have interesting conversations at lunch. We help each other when we're in need.

I have a boyfriend who loves me. I find him incredibly sexy and sweet. He is very respectful of me while maintaining a touch of boyish mischievousness. We are almost evenly matched in our sexual appetite.

In the past few weeks I've concerned myself primarily with sensual gratification -- which I haven't done, probably ever. It's almost like I was suddenly emancipated and relieved from a burden and frustration.

I would be perfectly happy if I hadn't been subject to my parents' austere measures. I behaved myself my whole life and somehow they're not convinced that I can take care of myself. I'm not very optimistic about the prospect of reconciling with them. The only way of resolving the situation, it seems, is to get out.