Advice

After a certain point in my life I stopped making promises to myself. If I were to do it, I would. If not, uttering a few words, scribbling on my notebook or blog wouldn't change anything. Hope isn't something I can block out entirely so I leave that be. I just pretend there's nothing there at all. Hope keeps me going but at the same time it makes me wish I never had it in the first place.

Similarly I've stopped trying to convince people to see the way I see things. Maybe I could influence them to think differently in small things -- things don't really matter in the end. But in important decisions what other people say usually don't have much bearing to people who actually have to make those decisions. I don't ask smokers to stop smoking. I merely ask them to consider it. There is virtually no chance they'll quit just because someone tells them to, even if that someone is a person who matters a great deal to them.

Perhaps I think this way because I myself am very hard to convince. My dad tried to get me to study economics. I did try. From the moment I entered UBC I always thought my path was set. Things would've been much easier if I just liked it. But I didn't. I just had to have my own way. I fought and fought and ended up majoring in English literature, something that is appreciated when you have a full stomach but won't give a damn about if you're starving.

Even when my future was extremely unclear and I had to consider degrading myself by working as an overpaid English tutor at an academy that perceives students as commodities, I wrote applications without any passion or desperation. It was only crazy luck that I happened to work for people who wanted to hire me long-term despite the high possibility of losing me after a few years. Most people would've freaked out and reassessed their situation. What made me so bold? So unafraid of what might happen back then? I had a lot to lose. Looking back on it how I acted baffles me. -- not that I would've acted any differently.

Can we really influence people in the end? Or do we just bring out potential? When people follow advice it is because something clicked with their mindset. When making life-changing decisions people don't take advice that seem to fully contradict their belief system. It has to have at least some common ground with what they believe is right. So does advice have any power to begin with? We usually take advice that reaffirms our original thoughts anyway.

I used to thrive on giving advice. At least telling them what I thought. I ask questions now instead. Asking questions lets me see what they really want me to say. Of course, I wouldn't say things just because they want me to. But at least it sheds some light on their plan, and gives me some idea about how to talk to this person. Like I said, I stopped trying to convince people. It's an ultimately pointless endeavour.