Dealing with loneliness

One of the most difficult things -but rather trivial- is to admit that one is lonely. I don't have any reservation towards doing so right now. Sometimes I'm so lonely that I'm miserable.

It's a different kind of loneliness in the sense that it doesn't come from ostracization. I'm getting alone very well with my co-workers and they welcome me into their little get-togethers.
The problem is that these days I don't feel like joining them at all. Not because they're awful or boring. I just want to be alone but at the same time painfully lonely.

After some poitnless introspection I concluded that it is because I don't have many "friends". I have great co-workers but they're not my friends. I guess things could be different if I were working in Vancouver, or any other Canadian city for that matter. Age and social backgrounds tend to matter less in Canada than in Korea. All of my colleagues are women, most of whom are married. Their conversation topics usually dwell in marriage, cooking, dealing with in-laws and such, and while I'm fine with listening to them, I don't particularly choose to join in. I miss the good ol' days when I spent hours talking about race and identity issues. I feel like my mind is malnourished. I'm not trying to say that they're uneducated or anything. They're just not interested in talking about that kind of stuff.  Race isn't exactly an issue that pertains to Korea. Even if they were interested, life here is hectic as it is. I guess the type of conversations I enjoy seem tiring to most.
Besides, they're my co-workers. There's a limit to what we can talk about. I won't be able to openly discuss office affairs lest one of them report to my boss.

I've been meaning to talk to my friends in Vancouver for some time now but I'm a bit afraid of calling them up. I know I'll just spend hours bitching about every little thing that isn't to my satisfaction. We all have our problems. That's why I have this blog: to complain. I want to spare my friends the boredom and frustration.

Even if I wanted to make new friends I don't know how to go about it. I barely have time for the few that I'm close to, and during the weekend I'm too exhausted to participate in any kind of social occasions with due enthusiasm.

I'll probably stop thinking about this once I'm smothered by an avalanche of work like before. My mind should be occupied at all times; otherwise it will go off wondering about things that bear no practical value, and I plunge into a depth of despair and depression from which I have difficulty escaping.