New Day

I woke up feeling significantly better today. If there's any difference between the high school me and me right now, it's that I no longer enjoy mopping around in self-pity/-hate. I still don't know what troubled me so much. Everything, I guess.
But today I feel like myself.

Now that's out of the way, I'll talk about what happened on the bus today. The bus stop that's closest to my apartment is located quite close to the terminus station, and I can always manage to sit down no matter how packed it will be later on. The worst that can happen is that I won't have the window side, but the seats are quite spacious so I don't mind sitting in the aisle seat.

Most of the time.

Since I'm a single girl in her twenties (just starting out in the "real world") I'm in the most vulnerable position in the social caste. I can never expect to have a seat in the subway without feeling guilty, and even if I do have it for a moment I'll have to give it to those who are older than me. Invariably. The bus is a slightly different situation because if I choose to stand, I will be in the fixed position for 40 minutes, or maybe longer depending on the traffic. And there are ample empty seats when I board the bus, so standing is really a stupid idea. I'm still not used to getting up at 6:30 in the morning and don't exactly feel refreshed waking up, so I just put my self-consciousness on hold until I get to the subway.

Today I had to take an aisle seat as usual. A few stops later a woman (perhaps around my age or a bit older) boarded with a rather big purse. I usually shift the bag from my shoulder to hand when I stand in a packed bus so I can keep a closer eye on my belongings. She didn't however, for whatever reasons, and as she was hanging on to one of those rings on the metal pole, the bag proceeded to annoy me. (I said it "hit" me on my FB status but I exaggerate slightly...)
The woman must have noticed because she saw me reacting with slight annoyance, but she didn't do anything. Maybe she thought it served me right, sitting in the bus despite the fact that I'm YOUNG and therefore have the ENERGY to stand for a long period of time. (Those who know me will laugh at this speculation, I know.)

This went on for a while, and I had thought of offering her to hold her bag since she boarded, expecting something like this to happen, but some time had gone by and I thought it would be weird to offer NOW.

Somewhere between my home and Gangnam I finally made the move. I looked to her and ASKED if I could hold her bag for her. (Sometimes my latent servility surprises even myself.) She politely refused a few times but when I insisted, she accepted my offer. I think I held it for about twenty minutes -- not that long.

From her expression I could tell she wasn't that impressed that I made such an offer, or even annoyed that I waited that long until I said something. Or maybe she's just not good at showing what she truly feels. I have no idea.
I just hope I showed her that people can be kind instead of being irritable. I confess I WANTED to snap at her. But that would not be productive. Both she and I would start the day all pissed off, and the best of that situation would have been me getting her to move her bag. But by holding her bag, I got it out of my face, the woman went to work a bit more comfortably, and hopefully with some faith restored in humanity.