I'm extremely tired today.
I always feel this way after a family gathering with my dad's side of the family.
It's common in Korea for people to honor their deceased grandparents/parents by bowing to their photograph and preparing food for them (in spirit, anyways -- we eat the food ourselves later.) Some devout Christians refuse to do this, arguing it is a form of idolatry. Almost everyone in my family (both on my mom's and dad's sides) is Catholic but we choose to do this to commemorate my grandfather. I never knew him myself; he passed away when my dad was still young.
I have no qualms about the ritual itself. (Not that I'm hardcore Catholic in the first place...) I think it's important for us to remember grandfather and pay our due respects. The fact that we bow to his photograph doesn't mean that we worship him in any fashion. In ancient Korea people used to bow to each other anyways.
What I do detest about this is that our moms are worked like common kitchen maids. I'm supposed to think that I have it easy since we only have this ritual three times a year (some have it five to six, depending on their tradition) and I don't have to help (the more correct description would be: I can't help even if I wanted to.) My cousins and I help out little chores like setting the table but I doubt it's really helpful.
Dads don't do anything -- wait, scratch that. That's not completely true. They take out a big table and when the ritual is done they put it back in. My dad drove us there too (appx. an hour) so I guess that's something to be count.
My point is that this affair is entirely of my dad's side family. If my mom should help, it should be on her own accord. My dad and uncles were gone while moms were cooking. How tragic is this -- and how medieval! While the men of the house drink, their docile wives stay behind and cook... for a dead person on men's side of the family.
Like I said -- I do think it's important to keep some tradition so I agree that we should hold this ritual. My point is that men should do their part of the job too.
Maybe it's because I was gone for a long period of time, or perhaps it's because I'm older now. I was furious last night.
I actually feel sick to my stomach writing this. This whole business of gender inequality in this country is appalling. If you think Canada still suffers from sexism you have another thing coming from this side of the world.
I would at least think about understanding my dad's dilemma between his own family and my mom's ordeal if he were in no position to change this crooked tradition. It's often difficult to speak out of one's place in a conservative Asian family. But my grandfather passed away a long time ago. He and his elder uncle are practically the head of the family now. Why not even try to change it? Why not even discuss it?
Being a twenty-something single girl I have no power in this family but I do have a rather acerbic tongue. When I was younger I didn't have the guts to point out every little thing that disturbed me. Now I do. Clearly I don't really give a damn what they think of me anymore. I have friends that have been more like a family to me than they've ever been.
Convincing my dad to try something that is older than I am is undoubtedly a long and arduous task.
I'm biding my time. Carefully.
